A Dire Dilemma
My heart sinks to my gut knowing I'm stranded in the worst of all lands.
I thought no situation would surpass the time I woke in the White Rat's
Nest with my pants around my ankles, but this one has. I crawl away from
the shade of the pulsating lifestone and collapse in the sun, the warm
rays baking urine, excrement, and bile into my clothes.
I fish out a blade from deep within a pocket and run my finger across its inscription. A long time ago I begged a wise man to identify my weapon and note it's attributes on the handle.
Soon a young lady runs from the distance to the lifestone and tunes her soul to it. "Excuse me young sultry wench, could you point me to the nearest route to Holtburg? I am here by folly and need to return to my cow, wine and vassal, Jiggles McMankleman."
"Who you calling a wench, you lazy eyed, rotten toothed, hunched over, cripple! And god, you smell like the alleys of Teth!"
Teth sounded like the place for me to begin, and since I have captured the heart and attention of this young maiden, I knew I would be home soon. "Tell me then, my chesty tart. How may I find this Teth?"
"Chesty WHAT?!? Find it yourself, you freaky little gimp!"
Oh, she had a fire that lusted for me, but I must stick to the task at
hand. The lovely child stormed off beyond a knoll and out of sight. Wonderful,
she will lead me there!
300 yards of fast paced hobbling and I finally reach the battle. The deathblow of a well-placed mace swing sends the drudge down just as I poke my knife into the fleshy arm of this foul creature. My shining blade piercing the dark skin and a trickle of ruddy blood leaks from the entrance wound. The drudge finishes his fall to the earth with a sick thud. I look at my knife, then at the lifeless body before me, then up at the angered lady.
"No need for thanks, my silky jezebel. Your heaving breasts tell me all I need to know."
"God, you are disgusting! Teth is over that next ridge, please you horrid man, please leave me alone!"
"I know there is no time for what you have in mind, I must make haste to Teth. But if you're ever in Holtburg and want to uh, hehe, nibble on the best steak in Dereth, come see me at the cow pen."
Without waiting for her long, drawn out, and most likely deeply saddened good-byes, I stumble to this place called Teth!