The Hero of Tethena
The minutes transform into hours as I sit in the small font, soaking away the dust, puke, urine, and stool collected in the last day or so. My thoughts drift to my one vassal, Jiggles McMankleman. I wonder how the gaudy lad is doing without me. Visions of Jiggles sitting near the cow pen, teary eyed, a look of betrayal and dismay mixing with those tears. That's it. I cannot leave the boy alone in the harsh streets of Holtburg. I must continue to find my way back.
As I pull my body from the now discolored font water, a fair maiden passes.
She is adorned in an elegant robe of the deepest blue, low cut in front,
displaying a cleavage like I haven't seen since I was a baby suckling
the breast of my mother. I stand in front of her, my bare misshapen body
glistening with beads of water, blocking her pathway.
Oh, my powers over the flesh of women are strong indeed and my blatant nudity only added fuel to her burning desire. Her breasts now elevating with every harsh breath and changing colors, from the once olive complexion to a fiery crimson red. With one quick swipe, she strikes me open-handed and storms off. I turn to watch her until she is lost within the gathering crowds. Ah, Asheron has blessed her personally but in my haste to return to Holtburg, I have not the time nor patience for playing "hard to get".
I scan the signs of the neighboring buildings in search of a tailor, and spot one just ahead. Strategically holding an apple core to hide my genitalia, I scoop up my tainted clothes and totter towards the tailor. Apon entering the shop all the occupants minus the keeper scatter as if one of those bony creatures was standing behind me. I look over my shoulder, but luckily see none. Good thing for it, I think to myself.
I avert my attention to the keeper of this shop. A young lassie, barely of legal age innocence and purity tightly packaged in a plain dress. Very tightly packaged. I pile my clothing on the counter and glance around the store. Materials of all colors and styles fill the shelves and walls. With my ability to swoon even the shrewish of women, I knew I'd be walking out of here fully dressed for few pyreals.
I remove the core from in front of my genitalia and nestle it between the young maiden's breasts. "Care for a bite of apple before you outfit me?"
"Just take these clothes and get out!" She throws me a fine set of pants, tunic and silk slippers before collapsing behind her counter, weeping like a beaten child. Ah, so young and yet so wise to know I am an outsider and a relationship with me would only end in devastation.
"I fully understand, my painted slut. Perhaps if you find your way to Holtburg, I may find my way past your dress." The sobs intensified, and I knew if I was to stop her anguish, I had to leave. The young have such soft hearts. Quickly I don my new outfit and exit the shop, leaving the saddened beauty to cry away her lost love.
As I step out into the dusty street, the sounds of armor descriptions and begging for shards almost silenced immediately. Damn I'm good! I should take this opportunity to make my announcement.
"Excuse me people of Teth. I stand before you with a plea for help."
"Help?" a voice comes from back in the crowds, "I'll help that bastard to a horde of drudge!" Laughter emanates from the trove of people.
I continue, "I require passage to Holtburg, a distant city to the east."
"I drank from the font after that sick f**k bathed in it without knowing it. I'll have dysentery now for sure." Came another voice.
"I would like to employ a mage, preferably a libidinous harlot, with bare breasts, and a revealing dress, Hell! Naked and covered in rich rabbit gravy, to open me a portal to or near Holtburg."
A tall slender man dressed in a thick Faran robe, steps out from the crowd. "I'll open a portal just to get your wretched and nefarious ass out of here!"
"I hope you look good in rabbit gravy!" I cackled as he mixes his regents. With a wave of his onyx orb, a swirling portal opens before me. "Farewell wretched people of Teth. Sadly I must leave." And I jump into the purple wormhole.